I decided to write a blog post about this because some friends of mine have asked me how I deal so well with other girls flirting with Nick. But the truth is that I am not perfect. There are many different ways that people can flirt and sometimes we think that a person is flirting when they are just being nice. But let's talk about the ones that are super obvious. Some people actually flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend right in front of your face, which to me is mind-boggling. It happened in front of me once and let's just say I wasn't happy about it. But you know what, this girl was flirting with every other guy in the room too so she made herself look stupid perfectly fine on her own so I didn't do anything about it. At that point I mostly just felt sorry for her because something must have happened in her life to make her think that she needed to act like that. And then there are those situations that you have no control over because you are not there. In a long distance relationship you definitely lose all control and I know that women come up to Nick very often when he is out having a drink. Even when they find out that he is engaged they just won't go away. There is just something about wanting what you can't have huh... But that is when the absolute most important part of mine and Nick's relationship comes in...trust! So if you want to hear my thoughts on how I think it's best to handle these kind of situations - here it is! :)
Trust is the foundation of every relationship
Of course you can be all over your partner and clearly making sure that the person flirting with him/her knows that you are together. But do you really want to be that clingy and act like you are protecting a piece of meat from lions and tigers and bears, oh my!? Don't fall into the pressure of your friends telling you to go do something about this situation, because it isn't up to you. It's up to your partner. The only time I would ever go in between is if I notice that Nick is hella uncomfortable and just can't get rid of a girl. But he's usually very good at getting to the point with them and making them leave ;) He just rips the band-aid right off!
The first thing I usually feel when I hear that someone has been trying their hardest to get Nick to give into their flirting - is pride! Ha! You want my man? That wonderful, amazing, sweet, loving, kind, trustworthy, hilariously funny, romantic, goofy and great chef of a man? Well I understand why. He's the best guy in the world. You should want someone like him! And I hope you get someone like that one day. Instead of trying to hide the person who you are with because you are so afraid that someone is going to want them... show them off instead! Say "Look at this amazing human being!" and see how their smiles lit up. Letting them know how proud you are to be their partner is going to boost their self-esteem and their will to want to be with you. Because you make them feel good about themselves. When Nick comes home from a night out where he has had one girl after another coming up to him and all he has done is to tell them he is engaged and then come home to me saying "You're the only girl I want!" then what do I really have to be concerned about? Nick thinks girls like that are extremly rude and doesn't understand why they think he'd want to be with them anyways. Why would you want to be with someone who is that rude and inconsiderate to someone else's relationship?
Don't confront them
I had a conversation with a couple of friends once and they both said that they would jump up in a second and run over to their boyfriends if they saw any other girls flirting with them. It didn't matter if the guy were standing on stage playing a gig or just hanging out. They would be there immediately to mark their territory by kissing him or telling the "b****" to get away from him. I don't follow this method at all. I think that is a way of showing everyone around just how jealous and insecure you are and it's not healthy for your relationship at all. I believe in handling things like this with grace (although it's a whole lot easier said than done, trust me, I have had my moments too). Some women aren't even that interested in ending up with your guy. Sometimes they see a hot guy and decide to flirt with him just to threaten his girlfriend and see how long it takes until she breaks down and loses the challenge. Laugh it off! Look at how embarassing this person's behaviour is. It's desperate and childish and you're better than that. And if you have the right partner in your life then he/she will see that too and you can laugh about it together. If they don't see that, then maybe you should reconsider if this is someone who you can rely on to support you emotionally for the rest of your life. Being a couple means being a team and you need to be able ro rely on your team mate.
Look at what they are REALLY doing
Has the person taken it too far and is getting touchy feely and your partner isn't doing aything about it? Maybe you should be angry at your partner instead for not doing anythig about it? I'd say so. But what if the person is flirting and your partner is actually just standing there being social, polite and friendly? That is what Nick most often does and I can't see anything wrong with that. It's unnecessary to start drama when nothing terrible is actually happening. Sure it's not easy to watch someone flirt with your partner but if your partner is not doing anything back, then just clench those fists in your pocket and let him/her deal with the situation. Even though you're scared that this person is going to try and take your partner away from you. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is having a really good time that night then why should they not do whatever they can do avoid an argument or confrontation?
Be as lovely as you can be
There is nothing that throws more fuel to the fire than someone flirtatious getting a reaction out of the person's boyfriend/girlfriend. So don't make it obvious that you are jealous unless this person is getting completely out of line. Just be the lovely girl/guy that your partner fell in love with. It's going to make you look a lot better and and you'll be proud of yourself in the long run for trying your best to be nice to people.
When the whole ordeal is over
You got through it, you bit your tounge and your boyfriend/girlfriend talked to the person for a while to be nice and then the person left and went on their way. This is the time to feel incedibly proud of yourself and to feel an ever deeper bond and trust in your partner. All relationships have their test runs where they are being challenged. But if you pass the test then that is reason to celebrate and let go a little bit more each time the same thing happens. If your partner is flirting back with the person, then in my eyes, there is really no other reason to go in between the conversation other than to break up with him/her. Because you deserve better than that!