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After being in Sweden for just one week I wrote a list on what I had learned about long distance relationships. I stick by what I wrote because every word is still true, but you can add this to it - IT GETS HARDER! It sucks so bad to be away from one another and every month I feel like we are entering a new sort of feeling. Some days are depressing and some days I feel just fine.

All of those negative sides of yourself that you thought were under control will come out and bite you hard and good. Whatever strengths that you pride yourself with will all of a sudden crumble. Because being without your other half does that to you. That is why they say that LD relationships forces you to be independent. I feel like it breaks you down so that you can build yourself up again. There are things that me and Nick worked hard on and got better at together. We complete each other so whatever I am weak at he is strong - and vice versa. Of course that is going to be hard to live without. But at the end of this we will be stronger individuals who can be an even stronger couple.

 

And you won't be there for each other more than through comforting words. Our good communication helps a ton, but when Nick's grandpa had a stroke I wanted to go to the hospital and couldn't. Nick had to deal with that on his own. Soo... do I continue having fun then? Both yes and no. Nick and my friends kept telling me that I should but at that point it was too late, I was already too concerned about what was going on. But I do have to find a balance when those things happen so what happened to grandpa was a good learning experience.

 

Nick has been offered to sing a song with our friends in NME this upcoming weekend. I'll be missing out on an opportunity to stand in front of a big crowd to cheer him on and feel so proud. I have seen him sing karaoke countless of times but only perform with his band once. We had only known each other for a few weeks then and I was way too shy to dance and rock out ;) This time I would have loved to stand there and see people come up to compliment him afterwards like they always do. But I have made up my mind. I can't let this get me down. I'm still proud as hell of him and I look forward to seeing a video afterwards. Because getting back into music is the only thing Nick wants as bad as getting me back.

 

And let me be the first to sign that note! There was a time when I worked so hard at always being positive and understanding when Nick was doing something without me. Because of course you want to be supportive. But lately I have realized that I can't live like that. I have my ups and downs so I allow myself to have a little break down once in a while. It's okay to be jealous, sad, pissed off and annoyed about this situation. As long as you just push yourself through and wake up stronger the next day. For every time this happens to me I feel like I get better!

 

If there is a time difference then you are going to be in two completely different states of mind when you talk. When you are just waking up and realizing that your boyfriend is out partying with friends, having a drink and singing karaoke... it's hard to wrap your mind around it. Your brain goes through all sorts of confusion because it's not what he is doing that is a problem. It's that you are not there. You are actually just sitting in front of a computer with a birds nest on your head eating a simple sandwhich. It's bright outside and where he is it's dark. Eventually you will find what the best time of day is to talk. Since Nick has more things going on in the evening he can most often talk around noon, while I can video chat in the evenings here in Sweden since I don't go out much. Sometimes he makes sure to stay home in the evenings after work or in the weekends so that we can have some valuable alone time, which is very appreciated. The time difference has you waiting for a reply to your message for a whole days sometimes and that is frustrating. It's good to work on your independence but you can't forget that there is always someone thousands of miles away who is just hoping for one little message. So if you are out and about, make sure to send a little message saying how much you wish the other person was there. Include them as best as you can so they don't feel lonely and forgotten about. That works in the other direction too - if you know your partner is busy then give them some space and try not to ask them what they are doing once an hour, even though it's very tempting to do so.

 

Don't ever lose track of what you are working so hard for <3